i don't even know where to begin on this post. where to start, where to end. my life, my head, my thoughts are jumbled together and i don't see how this entry will reflect anything different. i know that my intention with this blog was to look for the good in my day, to be grateful and it has truly helped me do that. but i also think that it has allowed me to find an excuse in hiding a lot of things, in covering up some things that really bother me. like right now for instance. i have this amazing situation in athens, all these things that most college kids would kill to have, but yet i am not happy. i feel spiritually, mentally, physically, and socially deprived and a situation has presented itself to me to change that. but to change that would mean to do everything that i've never done before, to be completely out of my comfort zone. and now i'm realizing that is exactly who God calls us to be, without having faith, we cannot grow. we cannot depend on Him, and we do not trust Him. The path i've been on my whole life quite honestly leaves little room for God. I say I trust Him, but I so badly fixate on being in control of how my life goes, of what i'm doing and how i'm getting there. i think in this situation that i'm in, He's completely ridding me of that control. He's showing me that I cannot bring myself joy, and to think I could is absolutely absurd. Only He contains that joy and in Him is the only place that I can find it. That being said, I think I know what I have to do, the decision that I have to make. Not because it's what I want, not because it's comfortable, but because it isn't. because it's exactly the thing that i fear doing, the thing that i never pictured myself doing, and the person that i never fathomed i would be. and by doing so, by becoming this different version of myself i think i am aiding the Lord in His ability to control my life and direct my path. But that does not mean it isn't absolutely terrifying. But i'm praying for his spirit of power. To be able to rest in the truth that He is bigger and He makes all things work together for my good. I am truly just trusting that right now.
other than this...today's been an awesome day.
-sunday school and church: what a cool blessing in both. A new take on the prodigal son that was really wonderful.
-discipleship and sunday night church again.
-superbowl with friends...i'm so blessed with such encouraging people.
-and a really helpful conversation with a friend about this whole situation. i love when people say they'll pray for you and you know they really mean it. that's the best feeling in the world.
-please just pray for me tonight. I'm making a tough decision and I just pray that it is the one that will bring Him the most glory and I'll end up where I can do the most for Him by Him working through me. I really really need these prayers tonight guys.
goodnight everyone and sweet dreams.
I'm thinking about you, Em!
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