update and apologies

so, i figured i owe and explanation to the few of those out there reading this. i started this project to get in the habit of being grateful. to noticing the goodness that the Lord gives and to serve as another medium to express praise to my Father. However, I realized recently that this blog began to take the place of time I spent silently seeking the Lord. It began to interfere with prayer and I started to justify it as using it as part of my quiet time. I hesitate to say justified, because at the time, I honestly think I thought that it was okay. That blogging about the Lord was the same as praying or journaling about Him. However, He's revealed to me that it isn't. While this blog is not a bad thing, and something that I still want to do, He's made it clear that His time is His alone and not to be shared. So, I've been taking a break and will continue to do so for a little while until I feel like I won't fall back into the routine I had gotten into. I want this to not be a substitute or addition to the time I spend with Him, but an overflow of the love I have for Him. So until then, I hope you're doing the same.

february twenty-fourth..

hi everyone, or at least ash and chelsea, the two people i know actually read this. today's been a pretty good day so far. I got up and went and worked out with tiff this morning. sadly, that means the elliptical as i'm still trying to be patient and wait for my foot to feel normal so i can run again. but, i know that this is better than pushing through it and hurting it again. so i'm taking it in strides (no pun intended, okay well a little..i kind of like them). other than that, i also visited with my grandma and caroline for a while. and then came back, took a shower and now we're about to go to beth's tennis match and then fca later.

but, one of the main things i want to share for today is my biggest struggle lately. being self-reliant. i've recently gained some weight...about twelve pounds. now, most of you know me. i'm extremely self-controlled and i will admit a calorie counter. so how does this happen? this is how. I started to think I was in control, I began to rely on myself in this area of my life and no longer allowed the Lord to be apart of it. And that NEVER works. I realized after Christmas break that i'd began to gain weight and i kept seeking out answers in diets and more exercise, but never in prayer and petition to the Lord. I don't know why, but I just never really thought the Lord cared about that, so I didn't see why He would want to help me with such a trivial thing. Anyway, no matter what i did, it just wasn't working. So, I went to the doctor to seek out more answers. And come to find out, my thyroid is underactive and hasn't been functioning properly. which basically means that despite the fact that i've been doing right, my metabolism has been working slower than the normal persons and not burning off the calories that it should be. what a wake up call! It became evident to me, when i got these results a week or so ago, that this was a message from the Lord. I cannot become content and in control. I must be in a constant state of surrender to Him, and if I'm not He holds the power to change my circumstances to get me where I need to be. Now, I'm back to square one. Despite that the problem has been answered, I now have to diet to get the weight back off. And this is something that I'm doing only through the Lord. I've thought of a couple of options to make sure I'm making God a part of this process in my life, but I'm not entirely sure which method to take, i'm praying about it and i hope you pray about it also. I know this is my plan- twelve pounds in six weeks. that means an average of 2 pounds per weeks and a deficit of 1000 calories a day. I'll do this by cutting back my calories between 1,200 to 1,400 calories a day and cardio from 30 min. to an hour each day as well as strength training.

1. The daniel fast- I've considered doing this, but i'm not completely sure that weight loss is a good reason to do it, although I do like that it's radical enough that I'd be completely reliant on the Lord to do so.

2. Prayer and food journal- sort of a mix between a food log and prayer journal. Not only will I right all the food down that I eat before i eat it, but i'll also praise God for it. For His provision to sustain me and in doing so hopefully I'll be in constant communion with Him and in awareness of the food I need versus the food I want.

I'm still not entirely sure which option is best, which one will allow me the greatest success- less weight and more of the Lord's presence. I think that's something I just have to be in prayer about. But, my adventure starts tomorrow and I just ask that you all pray for me. That I be in a constant place where I realize that the Lord is in control over all aspects and that I would just give it to Him and allow my goals to be accomplished in His will and in His timing.

day twenty-five.

what's in your bag?

well, i maybe one of the only girls who doesn't actually really carry one. i kind of hate purses, i have two that i'll even begrudgingly use and beyond that i could honestly care less for them. so i can't entirely tell you what's in it, but i can tell you what would be in it. or the items you'd most likely find.

1. cell phone

2. pen

3. gum

4. journal

5. Bible

6. Keys

7. some odd assortment of money (change, dollars)

8. dental floss- that is completely serious.

9. ponytail holder

10. bobby pins

february twenty-first (not really).

So, I'm sorry everyone...I'm going to document the past few days in one single post on the account of I've been sick and mostly chained to my bed. So my life has been relatively unproductive. But, I'll share all the same.

Monday (21st)-woke up, didn't feel so great. Went to the gym. Felt worse. Came back home. Slept, drew and painted then watched TV for a little while and read.

Tuesday (22nd)- Felt fairly terrible. Went to the doctor, got some medicine and not one, but two shots. though they helped, it still was not exactly ideal. After that, I came back home and slept because those shots seriously take it out of you. and then, i woke up watched a little tv, went to see caroline and catherine and started a new day.

Wednesday (23rd)- finally, my life is turning around. I got up yesterday at 7ish to work out with tiff, and it was great. sometimes I forget that I love just waking up early and getting things accomplished during the day. After that, I went home took a shower, cleaned and read a little and then went to Caroline's until church. Church was so wonderful, mostly because I'd been cooped up in the house for the past couple of days and anything to counteract that was just such a blessing. Also, I got to see jonathan, who was a leader in my group at survivor and it was just really nice to be able to catch up with him and hear how he and his wife mandie are doing. after church, we went back to caroline's and just hung out for awhile. always good times.

So basically, over the past few days the Lord has been teaching me about the one thing that bro. Billy spoke about on wednesday. PASSION .it's crazy, because sometimes I'm this completely dedicated, over the top person and then sometimes, i just lack motivation. i really need to get to the place where i am not reliant on a source of momentum to keep me focused, but out of an unwavering passion that isn't contingent upon the amount or lack of time i've spent with the Lord. I'm praying and seeking to be in a place where each day is not simply or does not simply feel likethe continuation of the next, but a new day in the Lord. Pray for me for that please!!

Prayer for others- Jonathan and Mandie. They are moving to Douglasville from Macon and moving is always such a tough transition. And even though the Lord is good, and He is faithful, it's still hard to be uprooted sometimes and maintain a spirit of contentment and praise throughout that. So I just ask that you would pray that they would just be in constant gratitude and be open to the new opportunities the Lord is bringing into their lives.

day twenty-four.

a letter to your parents...

i know you think i don't let you in. that i'm distant and independent and we're not really that close. and honestly, i can't tell you any different than that. but that has nothing to do with the two of you as much as it has to do with me and who i am. i love and respect you both immensely and am so grateful that you are the two people that the Lord put in this position of authority over my life, but i wish you could understand that who i am has nothing to do with who you are or who you've been. i'm not sure why i like to keep to myself, or why i don't share my life with you like some kids do. i can't offer an explanation, because truthfully i don't have one. it's just who i am. i'm so grateful that the two of you haven't tried to change me, that you've respected it and grown from given me instruction to counsel as i've gotten older. but, nonetheless i know this hurts you. i know it's not easy for you to understand that my silence or lack of openness is affection in my own warped way, but it is. i wish i could make you understand that, but i can't. so i suppose, if there were one thing i could say to you, it'd be that i love you both and i'm so proud of each of you and i couldn't have asked God for a better family.

february twentieth...

so today, i went to sunday school and church. came home, ate lunch and took a nap. went back to discipleship and church. talked to a friend for awhile and then came back home. so needless to say, it's been a good day of worship, being in the Word and rest. and days like this really allow me to think about the things that God is doing and teaching me in my life and I want to share a few of those and let me just saw my main praise for today is God's power and ability to not only show me my faults, but correct them. that is so cool.

1. self-image: He's showing me who He made me to be and that He finds me beautiful and because of that I must believe I am, even if I don't feel that way.

2. patience: I'm having a hard time really trusting the Lord in a specific area and I think that is leading me to be impatient. I have to constantly remind myself that the Lord's timing is not my own and that it is better, but to experience His plans I must purse patience.

3. will and dedication: just two things I really need to work on and pray about and applicable to many different areas.

praise: my friend allyson got baptized today! yay :) I'm so so so so proud of what the Lord has been doing in her life lately and how much her relationship with Him has grown.

someone to pray for: my brother...i just pray that he is being encouraged and committed to restoring his relationship with the Lord.

prayer for me: i've just felt terrible the past few days and I just ask for healing and restoration.

day twenty-three.

something you crave alot...

when i first read this, i saw crave and i immediately thought of food cravings. but,i'm not a big food craver. i don't crave that so much as i do other things. and the more i thought about it, the more i realized that i crave perfection. not in the sense of being perfect, i know that is impossible and only one man did and ever was. but, perfection in the sense of the best that i can be. now, to some, this seems smart, reasonable even. but it isn't. because when i don't attain that, or when i let my own self down i become dissatisfied with who i am. i know that's something the Lord is trying to break and rid me of. I'm slowly really understanding that it is not important how perfect i can become, but how i can bring others to the One who is. it's tough, but He's helping me work on it.

february nineteenthish..

yesterday i spent the entirety of the day laying in bed, unable to do much of anything. finally around twoish, i took a shower, and then went to caroline's house. where she, timmy, and i watched the svu marathon from seven until probably twelve and then we played rummy. it was fun, but i was also exhausted just from feeling poorly.

my big prayer for yesterday was mrs. kathy. she left yesterday to go to liberia for ten days with a medical missions team. and as i was in prayer for her throughout the day, i felt like the Lord was dealing with me on being comfortable. i'd like to say i'd jump at the chance to go to Liberia, but the truth is, though i'd probably go, i'd be terrified. but, that isn't what the Lord calls us to be. What do we have to fear, what can man do to us? What awaits us if far better than what we have already, so even the worst someone can do to us here will still result in the best for us. I think the Lord is just slowly working on the fact that I need to let go of some of the comfort and control that I cling to and just completely allow Him to take that fear away and replace it with courage.

day twenty-two.

what makes you different from everyone else?

ha, wow. sometimes i feel like everything. i tend to dress really differently, so there's that. i kind of have this whole awkward vibe sometimes, especially if you don't know me that well. so that's really something that most people don't understand about me. but the biggest and most important thing is that the Holy Spirit lives in me. And because of that, I am a new creation. I do not belong to this world, but to the Creator of it. That is what drives me to do what I do, to behave how I behave and to pursue the things I do. I do it all to bring glory to my King, not through my strength, but through the strength that He gives to me. That's really all there is. And is my hope that we would all want to be different in this way, that'd we all want to be made new. I pray that that would be each of our hearts desires. And that everyone would no longer be different because we would all seek to be set apart.

february eighteenthish...

so it's sunday. this post was for friday. i'm terrible, i know. but friday was great. i'll give you some highlights.

1. got to see my friend chelsea. i haven't seen her in forever and it was so great just to be able to spend some time with her.

2. babysat some kids at church which was all in all a pretty fun time.

3. played cards at caroline's house. always good times.

i'm keeping the days i missed short to catch up. i didn't mean to miss them, but i've been sick these past few days and just really have not felt great at all, and haven't had much energy to do anything. but i'm still trying. oh and i do remember on friday i heard a really awesome verse...

"The Lord will fight for you; all you need is to be still." -exodus 14:14....how cool is that?

day twenty-one.

something that makes you gleeful- these people. love them.

february seventeenth...

today, i went to the gym and did some stuff for schools that i'm applying to for the fall. i also talked to some ladies that i used to work with. after that, i went up to the school and waited for caroline and chaley and then we all went to the FCA banquet. The food was really good and it was a lot of fun, but it was the football coach at toombs that really made me think about something. there was a verse that he referenced that i cannot recall, but anyway it talks about glasses being empty and being full. and the problem is that we focus on the full glass. on what we have and the things that will fade and have no eternal value. this is a problem because it causes us to lose sight of the cup that is empty, on the one that is yet to be filled, and the one whose place is in Heaven. That really convicted me because i know there are so many times in my own life where my focus isn't on Heavenly treasures, but on earthly toys. On things that will fade away, not things that will last forever. I just need to remember that more often, and hold myself accountable to that. Because it is easy to get caught up, but easy isn't an excuse.

prayer for others:

1. caroline- she's dealing with some family stuff and the Lord is just giving her a chance to make a choice and just listen for Him. And i pray that she would just be open to allow Him to work in whichever medium He chooses and that she would make the best of what He allows and bring Him glory in that.

2. ashley is fasting tomorrow to prepare for mrs. kathy's mission trip to liberia. so i just ask that you would give her strength tomorrow in order to resist food and instead of a desire for that that she would just have a dependence on the Lord. Also, Mrs. Bill is sick and it's just not a good time for that. So i just pray that the Lord would heal Him if it's His will.

prayer for me: just pray. it's always needed. ALWAYS.

day twenty.

someone you see yourself marrying in the future:

this question is really weird, because i can actually think of an example. but instead, i'll give you a description.

I want someone who makes me love the Lord more. Whose heart beats and breaks for the Father and whose life is a manifestation of that Holy Spirit living in them. I want a spiritual leader and a man after God's own heart. Also, if he could be funny, intelligent and taller than me, that'd be an extra plus. But, what is more important is that I shouldn't worry about who I see myself marrying. It's not about me. It's about God, and His plan and partner for me is far better and more glorious than anything I can imagine myself. I'm looking for the Lord, and the only way I'm going to marry anyone is if they're also seeking the Father and from there He can unfold His plan in His timing.

It's just so much better that way.

february sixteenth...

so i'm a day late. but yesterday let's see. Well i spent a large amount of the day at the gym, mostly because some older ladies came in and wanted some help figuring out how to use the equipment, and that was actually really entertaining. helping people in any small way just really brings me joy, but more importantly when I'm doing it with God in the center, it brings Him glory and that's just that much better.

After that, I took a shower and then went to church. The worship last night was incredible for me. We sang a lot of songs that the Lord just really speaks to me through and I just felt His presence so strongly last night. Then, Brother Billy talked about the things we need to have to really make and impact for God. And one of the big ones for me, was fearlessness. We must be fearless in order to make an impact. I think sometimes I just enjoy being comfortable and the prospect of going outside of that leads me to operate on the basis of fear and not out of obedience and that is something that I do not want for my life because I know it is not part of the Lord's plan for my life. After church, we went back to Caroline's house and had cake for Landon's 16th birthday. He's really turning into a really great kid and I'm so excited to see how the Lord is going to use him. all in all, good night filled with worship, learning, and fellowship.

prayer for me: there's a person recently who is just really getting on my nerves and i just really need prayer on how to be patient and deal with this person and love them and see what parts of God He has placed in them instead of dwelling on what I don't like.

prayer for others: there's a boy in our youth group who I talked with last night who is just really struggling with relationships and i just ask that you would pray for him to just be content in the Lord and trust Him to write His love story and not take matters into his own hands, but instead, trust that the Lord is good.

day nineteen.

nicknames you have and why you have them:

1.em- people are lazy, and apparently even emily can be shortened. but i like em, so it works.

2. emmy pooh- my cousin catherine gave me this name when she was probably four. somehow it's stuck. she's sixteen now.

3. pookie- honestly, no idea. i started calling my brother this when i was probably seven. my brother in return also called me pookie. now my dad calls us both pookie. it's so strange i'm not even going to try and explain it to you.

4. em jim- terrance gave me this nickname in sixth grade. because he said that i remind him of a slim jim.

5. emily elizabeth- my first and middle name, and also because i happen to be the namesake of a certain owner of a big red dog.

..yes, i was a day late on this post.

february fifteenth...

my heart is too full to really write tonight. today was thomas's funeral and it was hard. but it was also glorious. he was such a testimony and a witness for the Lord. He touched so many lives in just sixteen years, including mine. I am so blessed that God allowed our paths to cross even for such a brief time. During his funeral, this was said:

"When I grow up, I want to be like Thomas."

That is powerful. What a testament to a life and to a person. And I fully agree, except I don't want to be like Thomas when I grow up, I want to be like him now. Fully seizing each moment of every day with no regrets and giving glory to the Lord. I know He's with Jesus right now having the best time of his life and I couldn't be happier for him. What a sweet boy and servant, I can't imagine the rejoicing going on in Heaven right now.

day eighteen...

plans/dreams/goals that you have:

Generic:

1. To live like Thomas.

2. To glorify my Father.

3. To expand His Kingdom.

Specific:

1. Go on a mission trip.

2. Write a book.

3. Give selflessly everyday.

4. Read the Bible all the way through every two years.

5. Stay in contact with those I meet.

6. Serve in any way possible.

7. To be a woman like Anna, praying without ceasing.

february fourteenth...

valentines day. two words, one holiday (that's questionable). it's natural to think about relationships on this day, rather that be your own or lack there of. and if there is a deficiency there, i think it's normal to feel alone or slightly anxious for a day in which you aren't. however, i was reminded today of something that a friend said to me yesterday:

"you don't have to wait until you meet the person that God has planned for you to love them. Wake up each day and love them the same as you would if you already knew them. honoring that person begins now, your love story is beginning."

so maybe it wasn't quite that poetic, it was coming from a guy after all, but nonetheless that's pretty much what he said. and how cool is that to think about? that the Lord has designed one person distinctly for us and that we should live each day awaiting the creation that He crafted to complete us. so today, while everyone was fretting over gifts, significant other or utter loneliness, I feasted on the love my Lord has lavished upon me and the gift He will provide for me in the husband that He is molding for me now. I was reminded constantly today, that just as the Lord is molding him for me, I also need to allow Him to mold me for the moment that we meet so that we will be the couple that He designed us to be, starting by being the individuals that He created us as. So I resist having a valentine on this day, because I await my real valentine, the one whom I will spend my life with. Until then, I will be content in the love my Lord has for me.

"I have loved thee with an everlasting love."- Jeremiah 31:3.

please please please pray for the family and friends of Thomas Goodson. Today was his visitation and as hard as that was tomorrow is the funeral. I along with mrs. kelly and caroline are going to dublin tomorrow to attend, and I just ask that you lift them up and continue to do so. the grieving doesn't end when the services are over, this is something that will drastically alter their lives and prayer is just an evident need in their life. thanks so much, love you all. goodnight and sweet dreams.

day seventeen.

Someone you want to switch lives with for a day: I'm doing this in the context of celebrities, just so I could narrow it down a bit. But I still couldn't pick just one. So the following three women, are in my opinion, some of the most genuine stars today and ones that I admire.

Minka Kelly- putting the roomate aside, I loved her in Friday Night Lights and the fact that she is never afraid to be photographed looking laid back and not always done up. She seems really down to earth.

Emma Watson- ironically, I wouldn't want to trade lives with her for a day for her claim to fame through Harry Potter. Though a plus, I love the fact that she attends Brown University- a college that I absolutely love and am applying to. In addition, I really love her style. So unique, but very tasteful.

Anne Hathaway- one of the most beautiful and strong female actresses in my opinion. Why wouldn't I want to be her for a day?

february thirteenth..

i really just love sundays. there's something about just spending the day in fellowship and just being refreshed for the week that is to come. the Lord has shown me a lot today about the faults in my own life. I'm realizing that I need to be more radical, that I need to quit being complacent and push myself to do more for God. Brother Mike spoke about living radically today, based off of the story of David and Goliath. The truth is is that the Lord wants us all to be David's. To give Him the giants of today and trust that He will equip us to fight them tomorrow. Bro. Mike said something today that really struck me. He said that if Goliath would've beaten David then David's story would have been no less of an example of God' faithfulness, because God still showed up. It got me wondering if I really think that way. If I truly believe that just God's presence is the miracle. I think sometimes we get so caught up in the end result that we forget that the Lord doesn't care about that. Our results are not His and we can't live expecting Him to fulfill those just because we are being obedient to Him. I need to realize that in my life. That obedience is all that matters and the end results are entirely up to His discretion. That's an area of my life that I just need to trust the lord in, that he would be able to sustain my strength. Besides this, some other really good things happened today:

- i took a nap, it was wonderful, because i didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

- i think God has placed a wonderful new friend in my life and I got to talk to him tonight about a lot of things and it was such a blessing to see how the Lord is working in His life and just be able to pray for him about something specific.

- we had a pancake supper tonight after church, and caleb and i held down the drink table. good times!

prayer for others: thomas goodson's family and friends. The visitation is tomorrow and the funeral is tuesday. they just really need peace right now as well as comfort. also, another friend is just really struggling with a situation. he just needs prayer of peace and contentment and understanding and that he wouldn't allow his flesh to get in the way of His testimony and love for the Lord.

prayer for me: this stuff with thomas has been pretty difficult, but i also really need to work on discipling myself. so i just ask for prayer in that area.

goodnight everyone, sweet dreams!

day sixteen.

things you've learned, but still don't understand:

1. age doesn't define death. it can capture the young in the same ways it captures the old.

2. friends can grow apart no matter how close or invincible those friendships sometimes seem.

3. people are not static; character changes with circumstance.

...there are more, but these have been the biggest that i can think of that i really don't understand why.

february twelth..

i absolutely love chaley. for those of you who don't know her, she's incredibly talented and one of the best friends i could ever asked for. we stayed up until six this morning just talking about anything and everything. and throughout our entire conversation i was just consistently reminded of what great friends the Lord has placed in my life. Consequently, because we stayed up late, we did not wake up until one this afternoon. after that, i went home for a little while and then went to the gym, got ready and we all went to go eat at ihop in statesboro for an anti-valentines day celebration. here were some really great things about today:

1. we got to hang out with robert, which was nice and see a little more of the GSU campus that i'll be hanging around next year.

2. i had blueberry pancakes...two of my favorite things ever.

3. i realized something that i really need to pray about for myself- patience!

4. had a really good talk with caroline tonight.

right now, i feel like the Lord is placing people in my life for different reasons. However, it's hard to understand those reasons and it's difficult to be patient in doing so. But, that's what i'm trying to do, and as frustrating as it may be, He's teaching me to trust Him even more and wait patiently for His plans to unfold. I hope you're doing the same.

goodnight everyone, sweet dreams.

day fifteen.

first ten songs played on itunes shuffle:

however, i must put a disclaimer on this. i haven't really bought much music since probably in almost two years. mostly, i've been listening to cd's and alot of christian music. i haven't listened to as much secular stuff lately, so this list is mostly a good indication of the stuff that i played relentlessly my senior year of high school. but nonetheless, here it goes:

1. souls on ten- the almost.

2. shameless- all time low.

3. apologize- silverstein.

4. monster- meg and dia.

5. sky command to battleship- the sophomore attempt.

6. stay together for the kids- blink-182.

7. forgiven- relient k.

8. coming to terms- carolina liar.

9. bring em' out- hawk nelson.

10.quiet- rachael yamagata.

february eleventh.

today has been hard. mostly due to the last two hours of it, but we'll get there. my day started out going to go give blood at the blood drive at my old high school. blood really doesn't bother me, so that isn't that big of a deal to me. but anyway, after that i spent the rest of the day in timmy's room just hanging out with whoever so decided to show up. caroline, chaley, beth, timmy, and i finally left the school around five and went back to caroline's house and hung out for awhile. chaley and i picked a rather interesting fight with them about the differences between girls and guys brains, it was quite interesting. anyway, after that we went to eat mexican and then came back to caroline's where we talked for awhile, but this is where my night ended...

around ten thirty, i got a facebook message that came through on my phone from one of my daughters (not literal) from a summer camp called impact that i worked at this past summer. i don't think i've ever had a message break my heart the way hers did. she told me that one of the boys in my group died last night in a car accident. this boy's name was thomas goodson, and he was honestly one of the sweetest and kindest boys i'd ever met. My heart is breaking, to think of the pain that his friends and family are suffering through right now. it's so difficult to imagine that happening to a sixteen year old, someone so young with so much life yet to live. but at the same time how awesome is it that he accomplished the purpose that the Lord had for him in just a mere sixteen years. that he gets to go home and be with the Father? it's such a bittersweet thing for me. I'm devastated and heart broken that's he's gone, but overjoyed that He's home now. I just don't know what to say. After hearing this news I was going back through some old stuff from camp and I found one of the notes he had written me:

Mom,

This week was amazing! I'm so glad that we got to spend this glorious time together and grow in God. I will never forget this week as long as I live.

May God be with you,

Thomas Goodson.

This note, re-reading it, was so obvious to me. The way that he worded things- as long as i live. The Lord knew what was going to happen. He knew Thomas's time was coming to an end and that's just so awesome to me. That the Lord has it planned. And He is sovereign and holy and righteous and all powerful and all knowing. I know Thomas is in a better place, but I'm praying for those who have yet to reach our home. Those of us who miss Him here and await seeing him.

‎"The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death." -Isaiah 57:1-2

day fourteen

a recent family photo

February tenth...

So, i'm officially two days late on this post. But thursday, I didn't do much that I can recall. I think I spent the majority of the day at the gym and then went to FCA thursday night and subway with caroline, chaley, ashley, and timmy after that. Chaley spoke at FCA and it was so wonderful...though I don't have my notes with me right now to go into detail the one thing that I remember is this:

"sometimes you have to meet the need before you can share the Word."

that's so important. and so so true. i'm going to keep this post short, so I can catch up. Sorry everyone.

day thirteen.

a letter to someone who has hurt you.

It took me a long time to get the place that I'm at now, a place of forgiveness and understanding. For awhile,I thought you were selfish, I thought that you were purposefully choosing actions to hurt us, but now I realize that at a certain point, they chose you. Some things, with time, do become impossible to beat alone, and it took getting to that point to understand where your actions were stemming from. but I understand now, and I'm sorry that I couldn't at one point. I forgive you, and I think that's what it boils down to.

-Emily

february ninth...

today has been good and tiring. i spent the majority of the day moving back into my house. that's so strange for me. i'm sort of ambivalent about it to be completely honest. it's weird, even though it's home it doesn't really feel like my home anymore and i think that's the way it's supposed to be, the way it should be. but it doesn't make it any less strange. but truthfully, i think that's a good thing. because it isn't about our earthly home, it's about our heavenly home, the home that awaits us. and the fact that i may be unsure about my home here, just makes me all the more ready for my home that is yet to come. but as glorious as the day will be when I get to be with my Father, I was reminded in church today about giving my best while I am here. about my purpose, about bringing Him glory and expanding His Kingdom, because after all that is ALL it is about.

also, i'm so grateful for my friends and family. for the acceptance that has been extended to me even when it's been hard to accept myself right now. thank you, thank you, thank you.

please pray for mrs. kelly if you're reading this, i'm not sure what's going on, but i know she could use it right now.

goodnight everyone, sweet dreams. have a wonderful day tomorrow, but more so know that tomorrow is a wonderful day because it's from the Lord. Make the best of the gifts He gives us!

day twelve.

how you found out about blogspot and why you made one?

to be honest, i'm a complete creeper. i randomly just click on things and read other people's blogs and one day i stumbled across one that did something along the lines of this and i just really like the idea so here we are.

february eigthish...

so, i'm a day late. but yesterday was extremely busy. i found out that i only had twenty-four hours to move out yesterday, so after lunch my dad and i drove back to athens to get all of my stuff. we got there around four thirty and didn't get back home until right around midnight, so needless to say long day. it was sort of bittersweet. i was sad to see it go, after all i spent the better part of two years there and it's hard to part with that in some regards. but the hardest part was saying goodbye to my team and coaches. running in college was definitely a God thing, and an experience that I NEVER would have imagined for myself in high school. From only running a mile a day senior year to running sixty miles a week, I have been so incredibly blessed these past two years with strength and opportunity.The Lord is so good and provided me so much through that. It allowed me to meet some really great girls and see a lot of my teammates really grown closer to the Lord and what a joy it was to be a part of that. I'm not sure if i'll ever run in college again, or if this will be the end of my career. regardless, it was a good run and i'm grateful for the path that He provided and I can't wait to see what things He has in store for the next phase of my life.

day eleven.

what makes your school/college/workplace special?

if only i had an answer to this question, currently i have none of the above. so i'll tell you what's making my life special right now. and that is truly trusting the Lord. I have no idea what the next few months hold, or where i'll be, but I'm just relying on God to give me peace and strength and I know He will provide for me. I'm giving Him my best, and I know that He'll bless me for it. I'm in a place right now where I am able to fully rely on the Lord and pursue Him passionately and freely. So what's making my life special right now is that I don't know. That I have come to a place where I am not in control and He has to be. And that is something different for me. These lyrics say it better than I do:

"Maybe this is where I grow, when I admit that I don't know. When belief becomes the only way to You."

february seventh...

today i made a choice. more like, i responded to where i feel like the Lord wants me to be right now. but nonetheless a choice that has ramifications, repercussions if you will. for those of you who read this, who don't, or who never will this choice is something, someone that i'd never thought i'd be. that being said, i'm taking this semester off of school. for reasons relating to my major and credit hours, but also related to my happiness and well-being. uga has been wonderful and the Lord has used it to show me some incredible things, but it isn't my home. i haven't been happy there in awhile, and sometimes unhappiness exacerbates previous problems and that's the cycle and situation i found myself in. i would like to say that this choice won't change me, that it won't define me, or that it won't alter the views people have of me. but, i've never really been an idealist. i realize that this will shape who i am and who i become. that some people will judge me for this, that i will be seen as somewhat differently than before. i'm praying about that, that i learn to live with that. because in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter. who i am is infantile in comparison to who He is. so if others views of me change, that's something i need to accept. but what is unacceptable is for their views of Him to change. i wish i could say that this is beyond the shout of a doubt the right choice for me right now, but i can't be entirely positive of that. positivity is quite difficult without hindsight and even then, years confuse situations and clarity is skewed. i don't really know what this post is or is about, it's just something i had to say. So now, i'm not in school, i'm back home, but ironically i think that's something i'm struggling with, finding a home (temporary although) and happiness in that. i don't think it's riveting or groundbreaking, i think alot of young adults or whatever they chose to call us struggle with today. i think it's a common problem, but it's also one that i cannot solve on my own. i'm asking that this would just be a season in my life where i am renewed by the Lord and filled with His spirit. I need that right now, but truthfully i think we all need that right now. if anyone is out there and feels hurt or disappointed in my choices, i'm sorry, and i'd like to explain it to you. just let me know, and i'll be happy to try. goodnight everyone, sweet dreams from a heavy heart.

day ten.

10: Songs you listen to when you’re: merry, somber, dull, exhilarated, and vexed. So this one is a little harder for me because i've been trying really hard to stay away from secular music, but I think maybe it's more descriptive if I give you the secular song titles. so we'll go with that...

1. merry: anything by motion city soundtrack

2. somber: sideways- citizen cope

3. dull:quiet in my town- civil twilight

4. exhilarated:light up the sky- yellowcard

5.vexed: you're so last summer- taking back sunday or really any of their stuff.

February Sixth...

i don't even know where to begin on this post. where to start, where to end. my life, my head, my thoughts are jumbled together and i don't see how this entry will reflect anything different. i know that my intention with this blog was to look for the good in my day, to be grateful and it has truly helped me do that. but i also think that it has allowed me to find an excuse in hiding a lot of things, in covering up some things that really bother me. like right now for instance. i have this amazing situation in athens, all these things that most college kids would kill to have, but yet i am not happy. i feel spiritually, mentally, physically, and socially deprived and a situation has presented itself to me to change that. but to change that would mean to do everything that i've never done before, to be completely out of my comfort zone. and now i'm realizing that is exactly who God calls us to be, without having faith, we cannot grow. we cannot depend on Him, and we do not trust Him. The path i've been on my whole life quite honestly leaves little room for God. I say I trust Him, but I so badly fixate on being in control of how my life goes, of what i'm doing and how i'm getting there. i think in this situation that i'm in, He's completely ridding me of that control. He's showing me that I cannot bring myself joy, and to think I could is absolutely absurd. Only He contains that joy and in Him is the only place that I can find it. That being said, I think I know what I have to do, the decision that I have to make. Not because it's what I want, not because it's comfortable, but because it isn't. because it's exactly the thing that i fear doing, the thing that i never pictured myself doing, and the person that i never fathomed i would be. and by doing so, by becoming this different version of myself i think i am aiding the Lord in His ability to control my life and direct my path. But that does not mean it isn't absolutely terrifying. But i'm praying for his spirit of power. To be able to rest in the truth that He is bigger and He makes all things work together for my good. I am truly just trusting that right now.

other than this...today's been an awesome day.

-sunday school and church: what a cool blessing in both. A new take on the prodigal son that was really wonderful.

-discipleship and sunday night church again.

-superbowl with friends...i'm so blessed with such encouraging people.

-and a really helpful conversation with a friend about this whole situation. i love when people say they'll pray for you and you know they really mean it. that's the best feeling in the world.

-please just pray for me tonight. I'm making a tough decision and I just pray that it is the one that will bring Him the most glory and I'll end up where I can do the most for Him by Him working through me. I really really need these prayers tonight guys.

goodnight everyone and sweet dreams.

day nine

Something you're proud of that you've accomplished in the last few days...

first off, let me start off by saying that I alone accomplish nothing that I could ever be proud of. It is only through the Lord that anything that I am capable of is even made plausible. That being said, the thing I'm not necessarily most proud of these past few days, but more so more grateful for is strength. Over the past couple of days I've really had to let people in a lot more than I am comfortable with. And in doing so, I've really had to rely on the Lord. I've had to take a risk and trust people, to receive their guidance and wisdom. It's been rewarding, but terrifying. But the Lord has definitely been there every step of the way.

February Fifthish...

So yet again, I'm a day late. I'm ending up posting two things in one day, that's probably cheating. But it's making me feel a little better. So I have alot to say, but since it pertains more to today, i'll just review some high points of yesterday and explain everything in my next post.

1. Got to watch Beth play basketball this morning, which was fun. she's great!

2. went and saw the roomate with beth, caroline, mary, and timothy. it's a terrible movie by the way.

3. we then ate at chilies, fun times.

yesterday, my prayers were selfishly mostly for me. i've been freaking out about a decision lately and that pretty much was the crux of my prayer life yesterday. i'll explain more in the post to come. sorry for being terrible today.

day eight

short term goals for this month...

1. make a decision, that's more like a goal for the next day.

2. start writing again.

3. get back into working out.

4. spend more time with the Lord.

5. take a risk.

February Fourthish...

Don't let the date of this post fool you, I am in fact a day late. But the date is for my purposes, to keep things straight. But, I'm posting now, so that counts right? Let's see yesterday was pretty great. I had to get some blood work done, which was eh, but fine. Then, I went home and went for a run. I had a revelation on this run- I am strange. Yesterday was one of the gloomiest days I'd seen in awhile, and most people on days like that avoid running, avoid being out of it. But not me. For some reason I have this attraction to the desolate, the mundane, the dull. I like the melancholy of days like yesterday for some reason. I'm not sure what that says about me, that sometimes I enjoy sadness. That I find it beautiful, perhaps that's the writer in me, I'm not entirely sure, but it was beautiful none the less and running and enjoying it in all of it's misery was breathtaking yesterday. After my run and taking a shower, I went with Beth, Caroline and Chaley to Beth's grandparents in Baxley where she went to get her prom dress fixed and pick up a ring from them. After that Caroline, Chaley and I came back to Caroline's and hung out with a friend. Fun times.

As for the Lord, He's giving me revelation everyday. Just not the kind I'm seeking. I'm praying specifically about something, and yesterday I came to the conclusion that I can't hear Him because I'm fervently praying and not patiently listening. Pray for me for that, I could really use it right now.

Chelsea- one of my best friends is recovering from surgery this weekend and she could definitely use some prayers. Also, my cousin Catherine has a cheerleading competition this afternoon, and I pray that goes well and God gets the glory.

Have a fantastic day everyone!!

day six.

90 day challenge- day six: something/someone with the biggest impact on you.

I feel the need to explain before I post. My first and foremost answer to this is and will always be the Lord and His Word. That is the someone and the something that has shaped my life and I pray will shape yours. He has impacted me in ways that I cannot describe, but that's only sensible. How could the Creator not impact His creation? And I would give you second place, I would give you the runners-up to someone and something, but the truth of the matter is that I don't know. I can't pinpoint one other thing or one other person who has completely shaped my life. There have been so many variables, so many lessons learned, so many defining moments that narrowing it down to one would just be leaving out the others. I know it seems like a cop out, to say there isn't just one person, to say it's too many post, but that's the truth. It's a combination of people, it's my interpretation of them and the events in my life. Maybe i'll share the latter one day, maybe I won't. But I think that's okay, for it to be more than one. In fact, I think it's a good thing. To have multiple influences...but then again I'm only young. I have plenty of life, if the Lord allows, to live and perhaps my biggest influence is yet to come. Perhaps it will be my husband or my child. My boss or my pastor that've yet to come. But, in the meantime, i'll keep you posted.

february third...

"we are free, we are free, yeah the Son has set us free. Drop your chains sons and daughters come and run in liberty."

I wonder how many of us really live in that freedom? How many of us truly believe the beauty and boldness of that statement? Do we allow our lives to be a manifestation of those words? A truth hidden by a melody, the reality is most of us would sing these words. We would worship the Father by repeating something we hear or something we see, but most of us don't really believe that. The truth is most of us live captive, burdened and in bondage to the things that He has specifically called us apart from. We allow those things to run our lives, and ruin our joy for the Lord. I think Christianity has gotten so far from those words that it's hard for me to even fathom a body of believers truly passionate, truly unhindered to whole-heartedly serve Him. We are so consumed by the world, by our desires, and even our fears that we have let that take away from complete captivity that He allows us to no longer be enslaved to. It is not only a beautiful picture that those lyrics create, but a powerful one. An image of not just believers, but of children breaking free. Children breaking free from the constraints that once controlled them and running directly into the protection of their Father's arms. Arms that are outstretched and waiting, arms that desperately seek to enclose His children. Arms that were bled and beaten so that we wouldn't have to be, so that we would be free and blameless. Yet, His heart is breaking. Though he did this, though he was bruised and battered and killed for a freedom that we didn't deserve, we do not accept it. We do not allow ourselves to live in liberty, we continue to be enslaved to the world. And I wish more people got this, but that BREAKS his heart. Could you imagine as a Father dying in order to give your child the gift of freedom and then your child just openly denying that. Of them saying that something else is more important than what your crafted them to passionately pursue. For them to reject that freedom, how could your heart not break? And that is only one child, that is only one of your children openly defying you. How much more hurt must our Father feel for the millions who turn away, who chose to live in captivity when He provided for us a way out of that? It breaks my heart, because I know that i've done it. I know i've lived in bondage to sin and to idols, to things of the world, and in return i've missed out on a lot of the freedom that He gives. But no more, as his heart beats, my heart breaks to know the hurt i've caused. To know that I have not just rejected His freedom, but that I have defied a King and a gift that I do not deserve.

Other than this thought, this burden that I have been mulling over, today has been a wonderful day. I ran today, and did a few other things and then played basketball tonight. I had a great and much needed conversation with Ashley tonight and hopefully i'll get clarity pretty soon. I think i still need the advice from a few others first though.

my prayer request tonight is for my friend chelsea, she is having surgery on her foot tomorrow and prayers are much needed for her and she'll be getting mine for sure. goodnight everyone, sweet dreams!!!

day seven: favorite superhero...

i really have never thought about this before. i've never really been a comic book reader, and i hate to base my opinions off of movies or television shows, so i think i'm going to decline to answer this. instead maybe i'll tell you the superpower i'd most like to have. though flying would be nice, or invisibility, i think sometimes i'd just like to be able to hear other people's thoughts. with discretion of course, because it'd be terrible to have some mel gibson moment where all i'd hear is people's thoughts. Completely voluntary, but yes. sometimes, i'd just love to know what other people are thinking, how their mind works, what they feel, mean or even their logic. it just really interests me. best superpower i can think of.

february second...

hi everyone. i'm pretty tired, so i'm going to hit some high points for the day and then let sleep takeover. I got to see so many friends today and I was just reminded of how truly blessed I am with the friendships the Lord has given me. Thought He has had to take many away to bring these about, I am consistently reminded that He does work all things for my good. That He is constantly putting the people in my life that I need and taking out the ones that I don't. That realization and the happiness I felt with my friends today is the happiest I've been in awhile. I'm just so grateful and blessed and undeserving. Great great great day. I hope all of you can say the same for yours. Goodnight, sweet dreams!

day five: somewhere you've been.

Since I really haven't been that many places, I've decided to give you two. Not only a place that i've been, but a place I desperately want to go...

New York City...I absolutely LOVE it there. Part of me was born for that life.

Santorini, Greece...I've wanted to go here for as long as I can remember.

I can think of nowhere else more beautiful.

February First...

Happy February everyone, hope it found you well. An entire month of 2011 has already passed, that's so weird to think about. Feels like it just got here. But anyway, February has been kind to me so far. Strange things transpired today that i'm not sure if I'm going to make public to the blogging world or not, so for now i'll just say this- silencing something only makes it stronger. There's a freedom in expression, in confronting and in facing. A problem can only take up as much space as you allow it to isolate. I'm learning that, and I'm learning to let go of that, but it's difficult and challenging and confusing. But i'm trying. Today has been good for that reason, but also for a few others. First of all, it was Brooke and Julian's wedding on One Tree Hill. I'm not a huge television viewer, but I love this show. I've been watching it since I was thirteen, and these characters are just part of my childhood. And it was just a really sweet episode...made me like weddings a little more..

Here is the one that I absolutely love- Chelsea Brown. What a God sent this girl is in my life, she completely understands me and I can talk to her openly and freely with no fear of judgement. She is a blessing and truly a woman to be praised. I'm so proud of her and so incredibly grateful to be considered one of her friends. What a joyful heart she has for not only the Lord, but for his children. I am continually amazed by her and the parts of the Lord I see in her. Made in his image, all of His children, I believe, reflect parts of who He is. And that is truly evident in here. Not only is she one of my best friends, but she makes me want to love the Lord more. And what more could you ask for in a friend? I am so incredibly blessed, thank you Father!!

a few prayer requests for the day- chelsea: she has surgery on her foot on friday as well as a friend who's struggling with some family issues. Please, please, please be in prayer for those!

Goodnight everyone, sweet dreams!!

90 day challenge- day four.

a habit you wish you didn't have:

I'm not entirely sure how to classify this, it's not so much a habit as a lifestyle. I wouldn't say that i'm a people pleaser, i think the more correct terminology may be that i'm a perfectionist. And that perfection then lends itself not only into my view of myself, but to the view others have of me. I have this need to do everything above, beyond, and better then I think I can. I don't really know why, I think it's just that determination, or resolve that has always been ingrained in me. I tend to do things just for the sake of perfecting them, pushing myself to see how much I can achieve. Some would probably classify this as good, and to an extent they're right. It's what has allowed me to come as far as I have (all by God's grace obviously), but at the same time it is also brings with it tremendous stress and pressure. Not the pressure that other people put on me, but the pressure I put on myself. I have such high expectations for myself, and the thought of not only disappointing others, but disappointing myself scares me. I wish I wasn't like this, I wish I didn't have to feel the need to be completely perfect all the time, and I'm working on it. And as hard of a habit as it is to break, I know it's one I have to deal with or otherwise it could break me.

January thirty-first...

i'm exhausted. so i'm keeping short and sweet. today a couple of good things happened. i'm finally taking the first step in dealing with something in my life, and i'm really excited to be taking that step. i got to catch up with kaitlin today, which was nice. also, i was able to sleep in since i didn't have class. sadly however, i have to get up in six or so hours and that will just not be long enough, especially considering i haven't felt very well today. but it'll work out. have a good night everyone, sweet dreams and say your prayers!

90 day challenge- day three.

day three- a picture of you and your friends. please insert chaley here.

january thirtieth...

so, i've changed the blog layout around a little...i'm still getting everything set up so just bear with me. today's been pretty good for the most part. unfortunately, my phone died last night and i was staying at a friends house so my alarm did not go off for church this morning. which made me slightly upset, but it's okay. i was able to use that time to come back to my room and do some reading. i realized a really big thing today, something that i've struggled with my entire life. it's okay to need help sometimes. to admit that you can't do everything on your own. believe me this is something i've always thought i'd mastered, being independent and taking care of things myself. but the truth is, and i was very much forced to confront this today, i do need people. I don't say that alot, because deep down i don't think i truly allow myself to believe it. i'm realizing that asking for help doesn't make you weak, it's what empowers us to be strong. in fact, the Bible tells us this in 2nd Corinthians 12:9,

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

That's pretty interesting to think about and it really hit me hard today. That i shouldn't run from weakness or avoid it, because in that the Lord becomes stronger and He provides. He has placed people in our lives that we can trust, that we can count on and that we can rely on and He wants us to not only help others, but also allow others to help us.

But as far as good things about today;

1. team united Bible study- once every month all the athletes come together and we have a night of worship and a guest speaker and it's just a really fun time of fellowship and growth!

2. the weather...it was absolutely fantastic today. Everything was so beautiful and i'm definitely getting spring fever after these past few days of warmer weather.

3. i got to talk to ashley tonight and she asked me to be her backstage mom for miss.pca, and i can't wait. she's going to do wonderful and i can't wait to be a small part of that. she's amazing and i love her so much!

4. this one's huge and brought so much joy to my heart today, at a time when i really needed to hear it. my brother told me he prayed today for the first time in four years. an actual prayer, just him talking to God. He's growing so much, and i'm so grateful that the Lord is revealing things to him and changing his heart.

5. i also cleaned again today, which is good. i'm getting in the habit of that.

prayer request for me: these are the five words i need most right now: strength, patience, discernment, contentment, and peace.

day two- 90 day challenge

ninety day challenge: meaning behind your blog name. (jan. 30th)

praise 365...just refer to my first post. it's pretty simple or click on the random thoughts tab. there's a post there about it also.

goodnight everyone, sweet dreams!

january twenty-ninth...one day late.

so i'm a day late on this post...please forgive me. Yesterday was pretty average. I had spanish class to make up for one of the days we missed during the snow days, but surprisingly it wasn't completely terrible. after that, i went on a long run with jamie in the botans, which was really nice. i've forgotten how beautiful it is out there, and not to mention the weather yesterday was completely wonderful in every way. after that, i stayed with her and she made dinner and we ate and then went and saw black swan. and i'm just throwing this out there....creepiest movie ever. but incredible for the purpose it intended to serve. natalie portman deserves every award she's nominated for. after that, jamie and i were both so frightened that i stayed with her last night and then came back home this morning. but good times nonetheless.

day one- ninety day challenge.

ninety day challenge- day one: fifteen random facts and a recent picture. (jan. 29th)

1. i love to read. seriously...it's one of my favorite hobbies in the world.

2. i'm not big on huge parties, i'd much rather hang out with a really good group of friends.

3. i think flowers are the biggest waste of money ever.

4. i absolutely love taking naps during thunderstorms, it's the best sleep in the world.

5. painting is quickly becoming a new hobby, despite that i'm not very good at it yet.

6. i have absolutely no idea what i want to do with my life, it's a slight problem.

7. in the past three months i don't think i've watched enough tv to total twenty-four hours all together.

8. if i ever have kids, i don't think i want to tell them about santa clause. i'm not sure i'm for that whole lie.

9. i'm terribly afraid of the purple kangaroo on the aussie commercials thanks to one repetitive nightmare.

10. pretzels are probably my favorite food in the world.

11. last summer was the best summer of my life, and ironically i didn't have to go anywhere to get that.

12. caroline, beth, chaley, chelsea, and ashley encourage me everyday. i do not know what i do without them.

13. i tend to be a very awkward person in a lot of situations, people just don't always understand it.

14. i think the Lord has really given me a heart for teenage girls, i truly saw that at impact last summer.

15. these past few months the people that i've met and gotten close to have encouraged me and pushed me to love the Lord more than i knew people could. i'm so grateful, because it's just another reminder of how good God is and an example of the gifts He gives His children.

january twenty-eighth...

Today has been pretty good. I had lab early this morning, and our professor brought our entire class of six people doughnuts, which even though i do not eat them, was still incredibly kind of him. I then had breakfast with one of my friends Taylor and after that I took the test to get into Grady for next semester, which is still up in the air. But as a precautionary measure, I wanted to take it. Then, I was able to get a short nap in before practice, which was really nice. I ran by myself today, and just did a lot of thinking. I'm not sure if anyone else ever feels the way, but often my thinking is more like praying. It's not simply thoughts that are my own, but thoughts that I have then pray about. Those runs are the best there ever are, when I'm just able to talk to my Father and listen to whatever it is He wants to say. Today He laid a verse on my heart that I often forget, but one that I love. "The King is enthralled with your extravagant beauty, honor Him for He is your Lord." Psalm 45:11. I've been struggling with this a lot lately, and I'm not even sure why. I think it's just something that the devil tries to throw at girls in particular. This image of not being good enough or pretty enough, or anything. Do not misunderstand me, I am not insecure. I am comfortable with who I am most of the time, but sometimes evil comes in and tries to make me forget the creation that I am in the Lord and the beauty and joy he derives from me. I wish all girls knew this, all girls saw this. That there is a Father who loves us more than anyone and finds our beauty not just to be great, but to be extravagant. That is such a compliment! But why shouldn't it be, we serve a beautiful King and He simply cannot make people any other way, because He forms us in His likeness and we cannot be something that He is not. Though we fall short of who He is all the time, we are His creation and a reflection of Him. That is so freeing and so soothing when evil tries to wage war within you.

That's really all I have tonight. So whoever you are, if you're reading this, know this- The One who created the Heavens and the Earth calls you a masterpiece. He describes your beauty as extravagant and sees you as precious and honored. Learn to delight in the way He has crafted you, not despise the flaws that you create. And remember this, to love the creator we must first be able to see the beauty of his creation. And that my friends, starts with ourselves. Love yourself, love others, love God. It really is that simple.

january twenty-seventh...

today's been so busy! classes from 8-2. Practice at 3:30 and then i've spent pretty much the remainder of the day trying to work on research for the lab i'm in...and after three hours i'm about 1/8098070892409 of a way done...and i wish that was an exaggeration. i fully did not expect it to be this complicated. and i literally think i'm about to go insane from reading the records of the 45th congress, yes it is as enjoyable as it sounds. I wish I could tell you that something really cool happened today or something really great,, but i'll have to settle for the small things. Because today was just one of those days, not good, not bad...just done,but still a blessing from the Lord nonetheless. There were a few pleasant things that happened:

1. caroline and i got to catch up earlier, which was nice since we had some rather amusing stories to tell.

2. i discovered there is actually one show i like on mtv...i used to be fat. I watched all of about fifteen minutes of an episode today, but the guy was so sincere and it was just great to see how much people can push themselves and really change.

3. i really cannot think of anything else...i'm far too tired and my mind is too exhausted.

prayer request- my friend chelsea is having surgery next friday and she just found out today. she's such a strong and encouraging friend and i just pray that she would be at peace with this decision and for a quick healing for her!

....this is but one example of the probably fifty or so pages of this stuff i've read today.

good times.

january twenty-sixth...

okay, so i have a lot to tell from today that's been pretty great...but i also have spanish homework that i haven't done. So i'll hit the high points and hopefully add on to this tomorrow.

1. Wesley tonight...Clay spoke on Revelations 3 starting from verse 15 and it was incredible. A passage I always thought I knew so well, was made completely new to me and I absolutely have to share it, but I'll do that tomorrow.

2. I got to catch up with an old friend from freshmen year, Mollie! She's so sweet and I'm so glad to have seen her.

4. The worship band sang You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham....and I absolutely love that song. seriously, it will be in my wedding if I have one. It was just such a joyous time of worship!

3. This is the best by far...after Wesley I spent about an hour and a half just talking with a good friend who I haven't seen much of lately. She's truly a blessing in my life and I love her so much, and it was really incredible to see the obedience she has to the Lord and she's also my prayer request tonight. That she would see herself as the beautiful daughter that He created her to be and that she we would be assured that His plans and timing are perfect.

...I don't really have a picture for today. But i'll fix that later. goodnight everyone, sweet dreams!

january twenty-fifth...

today has been incredibly busy...woke up at seven to get to my class at eight and then i had class until two and then practice at 3:30. Tuesdays and Thursdays are so long, but only have two days of classes a week is pretty nice, if you don't count research on fridays. But anyway, today was pretty good despite everything i had to do. I did find out that I have to make up my spanish class this saturday thanks to the snow, so that should be wonderful. But besides that, everything went pretty well, so i'll sum up the important parts:

1. we got to watch probably fifteen minutes of Wall-E in anthropology today, which i'd never seen before and now kind of want to.

2. french toast bagels were finally back in the dining hall. if you've never had one, you just wouldn't understand.

3. Although my run today was freezing thanks to the rain, it was a good run and my foot didn't hurt quite as much as it's been hurting, such a blessing!

4. Team United/FCA Bible study tonight...Summer taught from Romans 8 just about how we are free from condemnation and that we should set our minds on the spirit and what that really means. Also, she said a verse that I hadn't though about in a long time;

"If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater

than our hearts, and he knows everything." -1st John 3:20

...that's just so freeing to me. That even in the times and situations when we our hard on ourselves or can't let things go, we can rest in the fact that the Lord does not see us the way we see ourselves, and we in fact are not how we think we are. We are blameless, because that's the way He sees us, and He knows everything!! That brings me so much joy.

Prayer request- A friends mom of a girl on my team just found out that she has breast cancer and it's just tough on that family right now. So I just pray that the Lord would heal her if that is His will and bring her comfort and peace to her family.

...Catherine got her round off back tuck today, she's awesome! I'm so proud of her!

january twenty-fourth...

Erica and I cleaned EVERYTHING today! And it feels so wonderful to come back to a clean house...it's definitely helping my mood which hasn't been so terrific lately and i'm not entirely sure why. I think it's just been one of those days today, when nothing really seems to go right, but a few things did brighten my day today. Like hearing abby's surgery went well, no tuberculosis running wild in tattnall county, and catching up with beth who apparently thinks the moon is edible. I actually managed to accomplish all of my spanish homework and about a fourth of the reading I should've done for today. And what's sad is that it's not because I don't like to read, it's because I do and can't quit reading other things to read what I need to!

verse i'm loving today: 2nd Timothy 1:7- "for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power of love and self-control." That is so cool to me, a spirit of power. Power to conquer the things that hold us back, power to be released from the bondage that burdens us, and power to overcome what is impossible to man. I'm continually amazed by His provision everyday, in the smallest and simplest of ways. He really is in the details!!

best song ever (I tend to exaggerate, so by ever I probably mean this week)- Addison Road: Won't Let Me Go...

"I feel your love that surrounds me

My world can shake but it won't drown me

'Cause I'm trusting you

No matter what I'm going through"

...I can't say it any better than that. And I can't hope for anything better than that. There's just so much truth in that. I just love her music. And did I mention she covered Always Love by Nada Surf, which is a song i've loved since I was probably fourteen. So wonderful, seriously go listen.

today i'm asking for prayer for one of my closest friends, she's dealing with a lot of possible change right now and she's unsure of how to handle that. I just ask that you would give her discernment in that area and that she would know your will for that Father.

...my room is clean! and yes, I do have a big teddy bear, i think it's endearing.

Goodnight everyone, sweet dreams. I'm bringing that back...I don't think people say it enough and some of us need it since we have nightmares about purple kangaroos.

January Twenty-third...

Because I'm slightly OCD and like everything to look a certain way, I wanted to make all my posts look the same, but I think I'm giving up on that. Today has been really good and really bad. Really bad in the sense that the productivity I was supposed to have to do a lot of homework really never happened today, so now I have to do that tomorrow. oh joy. But, that's okay. Because today I got to hear a great sermon, but I also got to have an incredible night of worship. This morning, our pastor Carlos at Watkinsville spoke on the importance of a healthy church and what that means. He uses 1st Corinthians 9 to base most of the sermon off of and it was really interesting to just hear him speak on how important it is that we truly be a body. However, I must say that the highlight of my day had to be worship at Watkinsville tonight. The worship band there actually recorded a live version of the CD that they've been recording, so everyone there tonight will actually be a part of their CD. But, that's not why it was awesome or great, it's because it was worship, real and authentic, but also participatory. The way worship was designed. Not for us just to stand and sing, reading the words off of a screen, but to actually be involved, to communicate with our Creator and glorify God. And aside from the worship Vick, the youth pastor there, also said something that I really hadn't thought about. He began talking about how we are to be in love with Christ. Notice we say in love, not just to love. To be in love means that you are focused and completely wrapped up in another person, it's not temporary but a state of being. That is how we are to be with Christ, completely in love and fully committed to Him, longing for no other or nothing besides Him for He is the one we love. That, I just thought was really cool.

There was one other really interesting thing that happened tonight. So, it's the end of the service and the pastor tells us to write our names and addresses down on these labels that he's placed in all the seats, because they are sending everyone there a copy of the cd...but anyway, so I was writing my name and address and decided to use my home address because I didn't know when it would be coming in. Anyway, the woman beside me looked down and saw Glennville and as it turns out her mother is actually from Glennville, and she was just the sweetest lady. She gave me her number and told me to call her if I needed anything...It's just cool to see God work in those ways. Because there is no way that I randomly sat down beside one woman out of probably two-hundred people that would actually know where I was from. That's simply and only the work of the Lord, putting people in each others paths. and that is just so incredibly cool!

I do however have a prayer request tonight, two actually... 1: Abby- she broke her finger playing basketball and her surgery is tomorrow and I just ask that You would give her a sense of peace and that You would just heal and restore her and care for her. 2: my friend, Laura Father. Though I do not know all of what is going on with her Father, I do know that she is asking for prayer Lord and that she needs your strength. I just pray that you would fill her with the Holy Spirit and draw her close to you now as she is in need of the peace that only you can give.

:)

...i'm tired, so no real picture for tonight. That will have to suffice.

January Twenty-second...

Today has been sufficiently unproductive. But that's not always the worst thing, in fact it was pretty nice to an extent...

1. I got to catch up with my friend Bruce today, it's been awhile since we talked so it was nice to just hear about everything going on with him.

2. I got to see my parents, they came in town for the basketball game.

3. Chips and Salsa and a movie with Erica...which was just what we needed.

4. Also spending hours on freerice expanding my vocabulary...thanks chaley!

5. I also got to spend a lot of time just praying today and I'm really just at a place where I need discernment in certain areas of my life and patience in others. The Lord is constantly showing me things and I just need to fully trust in His promises and plans and believe that He provides far better for me than I ever could for myself. That's just something that I'm praying I would realize and understand more everyday.

Prayer request for me: It's hard to explain, but I've been sort of in this state of indifference upon returning to Athens from the break, and I just really need to be in constant prayer that I wouldn't let that get in the way in seeing what purpose He has for me here and obeying what He asks of me.

Prayer request for others: there are so many...but someone that has specifically been laid on my heart tonight is a person that's been struggling with their salvation lately. And it breaks my heart that they do not know if what they confessed so long ago is actually a belief that still hold. I just pray that the Lord would reveal His power to them and just fully restore their faith.

Tomorrow I will do homework and clean...it's absolutely necessary...

...i'm serious, if i don't clean soon my room will look

like this persons before long...

January Twenty-first...

Today started out with me being completely overwhelmed. I attended my first class for the research lab that I'll be working in this semester, and the professor that the team that I'm on is working with explained basically the project and what we have to do. Let's just say that congressional development in the 45th Congress is far more complex and tedious than I originally expected, so yeah that's shaping up to be just wonderful, but I do get to take the class with a good friend, so that's a redeeming quality. I'd just like to take this opportunity/force one, to say how much this blog has already helped me to look for the wonderful things about the days the Lord has given to me and to truly seek Him and see Him in every aspect. So, on that note serious praises and cool things for today:

1. I got to eat breakfast with my friend Taylor who is also doing researching, so that was really great just to be able to catch up and hear how things are going for him.

2. I got to relax completely this afternoon, and spend a lot of time in prayer for tonight...

3. Tonight- was SWAT interviews. And at first, I was so nervous and afraid that I'd say something that didn't make sense or just embarrass myself. But the Lord is so good! Interviews went wonderfully and the Lord just provided me with people that I felt comfortable around and was so at ease with. In addition, I also got to see a lot of people that I've been missing recently as well as meet some really great new people. I'm just continually praying that the outcome of that would be the Lord's will and that I would obey and be grateful for whatever that may be!

4. Though interviews were great, and some wonderful things happened today, this made my night. I talked to one of my best friends Chelsea tonight and we were just able to catch up and just encourage one another. Just hearing her talk about the Lord is such an encouragement to me, she has such a beautiful heart that truly makes me yearn for the heart of the one who crafted it. What a blessing she has been and continues to be in my life, and I know and can't wait to see the wonderful and breathtaking things He has planned for her.

5. I've been reading Forgotten God and tonight, I was reading a passage that just really spoke to something that the Lord has been trying to teach me lately:

"When Jesus was on Earth, He said to His disciples, 'If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!" (Luke 11:13). God is a good Father who WANTS to give good gifts to His children. Sometimes I forget this truth and beg as though He needs convincing. It's as ridiculous as if my kids thought they needed to beg me to hug them. It delights my heart to hug them."

-Francis Chan

After interviews tonight this passage just completely spoke to me. I am constantly amazed by the gifts that the Lord gives me, the blessings he provides, it's like I'm surprised by His goodness. But how ridiculous is that? How can I be surprised that my Father wants to give me good gifts and that He in fact does? That seems absurd! I serve a Father who sees me as pure and blameless, so of course He wants to give me good things and I'm really at a season in my life when I'm seeing that. The Lord is unfolding so many things for me, and truly just giving and giving to me. I pray that I would no longer be surprised by my Father for the gifts that He gives me, but that I would long to use them to glorify Him.

6. Also, though it is small, this is something that honestly delights my heart and brings so much joy to me. I've seen how some of my best friends have taken in a guy who didn't have that many people around him and just truly poured into him and loved on him and encouraged him. What a testimony to the love that the Father provides! I cannot explain the gladness I feel when I know that they are being humble servants and reaching out to those around them. I could not be more proud of the three of them and the beautiful young women of the Lord that they are becoming.

Prayer request for me: contentment- I've been praying about some changes and situations that the Lord has laid on my heart and recently I really feel like He's revealed that to me. But, now that I know, I also just need to stop looking forward to what comes next and focus on where I am now and how I can serve Him where I am.

Prayer request for others- so i'm cheating, i have two. A) for this person I just pray that the Lord would just show her what He has for her and just give her complete discernment and clarity over what she is supposed to do and when she is supposed to do it as well as dealing with the other people involved in the situation and just opening up their hearts. B) I have a friend whose been sick for awhile and he'll get test results back late this weekend, so I just pray that the doctors would be able to figure out what's wrong and if it's the Lord's will that He would just be freed from that sickness.

love, love, love, love her!